Facebook recently showed me a bunch of photos I posted 9 years ago (one of the photos is the photo above).
When I arrived in Vietnam, right after graduating college.
While I have zero interest in turning back time, it does blow my mind that this was 9 years ago.
Man I’m getting older….
Then I saw an old coworker liked the post a few years back.
Curious about what he was up to, I visited his Facebook page.
And He Died
Damn…
I’d like to make decisions remembering that this was 9 years ago. That in 9 years I’m not going to remember most of the shit I worry about today, and I might even be dead.
I want to have a solid retirement plan, and ensure I’ll become a millionaire by the time I’m 40, however this needs to be done consciously, not via consistently trading happiness for security.
I want to be mindful, and deliberate of each time I’m trading joy today for the idea of joy tomorrow.
While “living in the moment” heedlessly is a disaster. Trading too much of today’s joy for the promise of joy tomorrow is a trap.
A photo of me from around the time of my last office job. A job that wasn’t bad, but left me feeling super empty every day because it wasn’t aligned with how I wanted to live. Learn more about my story to Digital Nomadism.
Remembering It’s All A Game
I’ve recently tried to view some of the “important elements in my life” as games. They are fun games, and maybe even somewhat important games, but they are just games.
My finances, my diet and fitness, cycling, my progression in foreign language studies.
They’re all games man.
Taking these games too seriously ruins them, but being too nonchalant about them leads to cynicism and depression.
I’m working to find a balance for these “games”
I’m going to die, I don’t mean that dramatically, but simply as a fact. I’m not in my 20’s anymore and those days will never return.
A photo of me cycling in Paris, cycling has really helped me in practicing this “game” idea of life. Cycling is important to me, but at the end of the day I’m riding around in spandex, I can’t take it too seriously. Interested in cycling? Check out my trip from Athens to Istanbul.
I Know This is All True But
I’m back in the United States for a few weeks.
And I’m plunged back into it
Into trying to keep up with the most successful of my friends.
Of feeling guilty that I’m not buying a house, investing more of my money, being more of “An Adult”.
Like a monkey catching himself playing far alone in the forest, I’m compelled to return to the safety of the group, and mimic those around me.
I don’t really want to buy a house. I don’t want a new headache to deal with everytime something breaks, I don’t want to have this thing hanging over my head while I’m traveling the world.
Someday I think that will change, but right now it looks like a fucking waste of time.
From a financial standpoint, it seems like a bad investment. A couple hundred thousand dollars after 10 – 20 years. Yes it’s a safe(r) bet, but seems like I could do a lot less stressful shit and make a lot more money…
A snapshot of one of my case studies from my digital marketing business. Happy I’ve found something I love that can bring my financial dreams to life.
Hedonism Isn’t The Answer For Me Either
There’s a very poignant sharpness I feel in my stomach when I’m reminded that my life is passing by so quickly, a sharpness I feel some people my age ignore and pretend isn’t there.
The ship is sinking, but they pretend it isn’t.
Feels like a lot of men my age who don’t follow the traditional route live life pretty hedonistically.
They throw everything positive about the traditional life out the door, and chase after pleasure.
Fuck Unmitigated Hedonism
I won’t be a 50 year old sex tourist in Thailand buying hookers and partying like I’m in my 20’s. That shit is pathetic.
I’m sorry to judge that group, but I’m not allowing myself to do that.
A snapshot of me in South Africa, in 2022. A time when I was living super hedonistically. I’m happy I’ve evolved from that.
Finding MY Balance
It’s hard to figure out my balance between the 50 year old sex tourist who’s chasing after pleasure, and the opposite “successful” workaholic who’s battling heart disease and failing relationships in his 50’s.
In a way though, it’d be easier to find an older man in one of these two groups and emulate their life, trading my uniqueness for security.
The greatest gift from my dad’s abandonment was the freedom to choose my own path, rather than simply following his.
If I want to find my ideal life, I’m going to have to struggle and feel lost sometimes.
That’s part of the trade, if I want to pick my own path, then sometimes I’m going to be wandering and feel lost.
The freedom of choosing my own path means I can’t have the same level of security I would get from following someone else.
A photo of John Vervaeke, an incredible psychologist, and philosopher who speaks a lot about how to find meaning in the reality of today’s world.
All The While Death Is Looming
I have the privilege, and responsibility to construct my life exactly the way I want. This means spending time on things that excite me and result in more joy than sorrow.
I need to remind myself of this goal daily
Because I, like you, am going to die soon. And if I’m going to play this game, I might as well try to enjoy it as much as I can.
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